Jude

The worst part about college, actually, the only bad part, was that I couldn't have a pet. I had always had dogs. My whole life was spent with my dogs. As an only child, they were my only companions when none of my friends could play.

After 3 years of living on campus at OC, I decided it was time to move out into my own apartment where I could own a dog and cable TV. I only had a semester left, and I was taking fewer than 12 hours, so getting off campus was a breeze. I started looking for a dog as soon as I made the decision and found my new home. I found Jude pretty quickly, but still had to wait a little over a month until my new place was ready. Finally, moving day arrived. Immediately after unloading the last box, I called up the owners and told them I was on my way to pick up my new puppy. I had been anticipating this day for so many weeks. It was all I could do to keep both hands on the steering wheel when I was coming home. I just wanted to touch him so badly!

As my summer roommate moved out and I settled into life off campus, it was really nice having Jude around. He was always happy to see me (after the first two weeks that is when he didn't like me much.) He slept next to me in bed each night until I fell asleep, then he'd move to the foot of the bed where he had more room. When I moved to Colorado a few months later, he had to stay with my parents. For two months I was away from him, and it was torture! I eventually moved back home and got my dog back.

When I moved to Oklahoma into Terry's old house, he said that his mom wasn't a fan of dog hair. I took that to mean that Jude wasn't to be in the house. This wasn't going to work for me, so every night, I put down sheets and old comforters to cover the entire floor of the living room, hall way, and master bedroom. I also vacuumed EVERY Saturday. When Jude was muddy, I would hose him down and dry him off before letting him in, and I ALWAYS brushed him before he could come in. This went on for 2 1/2 years. I don't know that Terry believed the ruse, but he never said anything. I don't think I could have slept in that big house without Jude there next to me! He held me together at times that could have been very lonely.

After moving back from Oklahoma, we moved in with my parents, and then I left for Africa. It was SO hard to be gone for 6 months without him. Honestly, that was the hardest thing about the whole experience. The night that I got home, he was timid for about a second when he heard people come through the door. When he saw me though, he came over to me and wouldn't leave my side for the rest of the night. He even followed me to the bathroom many times that night.

Since then we have been through a lot of changes together. We moved to my great-grandmother's house in Irving for a year. During that time, he ran away and Mitch got up super early to look for him while I went to the hospital to wait for my mom and dad to get out of their transplant surgery. I worried about him all day. When Mitch came up to the hospital, he had heard from some gardeners that they had seen Jude earlier in the morning. That was promising, but there was nothing I could do at the moment. On the way home, Jude ran up beside my truck and I opened the door for him to jump in.

He played these games of running away at every house I moved to. Eventually I learned to just open the back gate and wait because he always came home when he was done exploring.

After Irving, I bought my first place in Arlington. It was nice to have Jude because it's always hard to move into a new setting, so having him to keep me company made it a little easier to sleep the first few nights. While at that house, I got married, and we got Lucy, a dog we thought we were getting for Jude to make him more active and playful again. Instead we gave him an enemy. She tried to play, but he would have none of it.

During this time, we found out that his auto-immune disease had gotten worse, and the vet thought we may have to put him down. This disease eats away vital organs in pets. For many, it manifests itself on the inside, but for Jude, it effected his nose. As the years have passed, his nose has gotten more and more raw, and it continued to recede. The vet gave us some prescriptions and vitamins though, and he seemed to get better. A few months ago he started sounding bad again. We bought him a bed where he could prop up his head, and that seemed to help.

Three weeks ago, Jude started licking his paws which irritated his nose and made it bleed. After a week, we took him and Lucy in for their shots, and I asked the lady at the front desk to have the vet look at his paws and nose. She forgot to ask, and I took him home with no info from the vet. Throughout the week it got much worse. By last Sunday night, there was a steady flow of blood. We took him in last Monday and thought that we might have to put him down. The vet gave him a couple of shots that made it better for a while, and then prescriptions for us to put him on. Unfortunately, he had lost too much blood. We tried to get him to eat, but he just refused. As we went throughout the weekend, I noticed him losing his strength. He couldn't get himself into the back of the SUV anymore. We put down a plastic sheet and the dog blankets to take care of any messes he might make in the middle of the night.

Last night was very difficult to get through. I woke up at 3:45 to go to the bathroom and I stepped in something smushy. I thought it was pee, but I turned on the light to see. Jude had thrown up the only food he had eaten in days. We stood him up and then had to push him onto the other blanket because he wouldn't walk. I sat with him while Mitch cleaned up the other blanket, then we sat and petted him for about an hour. We eventually tried to go back to sleep, but it didn't come. We were too worried. At 5:45, I broke down and started crying. I told Mitch that today was the day, and as soon as it came out, I started hyperventilating then gagging. We sat with Jude until the vet opened at 7:30, then called to make an appointment. We had to wait another two excruciating hours before we could take him. During that time, we decided to try to get a family picture. We tried to get him to walk into the living room, but his legs wouldn't work. He fell half way there, and had nothing left. We picked him up and took him the rest of the way, and tried to sit him up. When we let go, he went down hard. That's when I realized he was worse than I thought. He had absolutely NO muscle strength left. We snapped a couple of pretty bad pictures, and sat with him until it was time to go.

I rode in the backseat of my SUV with the dog while Mitch drove. When we got to the vet, it took about 20 minutes before she came in. She explained the process of putting him down, and then began. I was able to stay until she was about to put the needle in. That's when I had to get out of the room. Mitch followed a few minutes later when it was over and I lost it. I'm so thankful that we were the only ones in there at that time because I was sobbing.

The house has seemed very empty today without him, and I'm not sure it'll ever be the same. I never had a connection with one of my dogs before like I did with Jude, and I don't think I ever will again. He was special.